


In that Moment

by forgetmequite



Series: A Noble Man's Marriage [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Regency, M/M, POV Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 18:36:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17431334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetmequite/pseuds/forgetmequite
Summary: After the wedding comes the night and, if you've just married a very attractive almost stranger, a lot of awkwardness.





	In that Moment

**Author's Note:**

> Am I just going to blatantly skip over the whole wedding ceremony? Yes, yes I am.
> 
> Wedding breakfasts are a Regency thing and basically a small gathering with a meal (not literally breakfast) to celebrate the marriage. Regency weddings also tended to not be huge affairs, and if you want to know why Magnus and Alec's wedding is tiny, I will somehow keep a straight face while claiming historical accuracy for this ridiculous AU.

Walking out after the ceremony, Alec wasn’t sure he could breath. Or maybe it was simply that his mind was having trouble understanding that breathing was necessary.

He’d yelled at Robert, when the truth had come out to the family. It had made sense; his mother had yelled as well, and Isabelle had looked away to hide the way her lip wobbled before she got it under control. She’d always loved her father more than he merited, and the truth hurt, even if she was quick to hide it under a mask of steely practicality.

Alec didn’t need to see Izzy’s sadness to vow to himself, and to venomously declare to Robert, that he would fix what his father had ruined. Izzy might have to feel the need to hide her feelings, but she would never have to feel the need to atone for her trust in Robert by sacrificing her life and happiness to make right what she hadn’t wronged.

Now, Alec had done as he said he would. He had created an alliance that would keep the family finances out of the limelight, even if it came at a steep cost in notoriety. Alec’s personal reputation was in tatters as far as the so-called respectable shadowhunter society went, and he was certain that the more or less overtly malicious rumours he’d had to put up with since the engagement had been publicised were just a taste of what was to come.

And yet all of that was very hard to even remember when Magnus Bane had looped his arms with Alec’s and was smiling at the world (largely Alec’s mum and Izzy and Magnus’s own friends) like it was self-evident that he’d choose to have Alec on his arm on this fine day.

If Alec so much as let himself to think about how the conversations they’d had before the wedding might mean that Magnus actually _would_ choose to have Alec, any other thought became impossible.

The wedding breakfast was a private affair, which was probably a good thing because Alec didn’t really have the mental capacity to put on a diplomatic face right then. All he could do was to be dazed and overwhelmed and someone who had no eyes for anyone except for Magnus. For his part, Magnus himself had either recovered very quickly from the apparent shock of Alec wanting to marry him, or else he was a much better actor than Alec. He chatted amiably with Isabelle and managed to even get a few smiles out of Alec’s mother. Meanwhile, Magnus’s friends ate quietly. Mr Santiago looked like he was ready to strangle someone, and would very much have liked to start with Alec, and Miss Loss sometimes shot an evaluative look in Alec’s direction that was even more unnerving than Santiago’s direct glaring.

Alec knew she was old and knowledgeable and likely the best healer alive. It seemed self-evident that any evaluation she’d conduct of Alec would show him coming up short in every category.

That was fine, Alec kept telling himself. He was used to feeling like that.

Besides, Alec would gladly suffer through thousands of awkward dinners if he had Magnus at his side, smiling whenever their eyes met.

And if he knew that the dinner was going to end with him and Magnus in the same carriage travelling to their joint home together.

He would gladly have suffered through thousands of awkward dinners for that, but he was nevertheless incredibly grateful for the dinner actually ending. Of course, it was only when they were all standing up and pretending not to look relieved that Alec realised the potential for awkwardness would not walk out the door along with their guests.

Alec had kissed Magnus before the ceremony; he neither couldn’t nor wouldn’t deny that. And everything between that and walking down the stairs to be married had happened in a state of such profound giddiness that it almost felt like it had been done by someone else. Not that anything had happened that Alec didn’t want to or wouldn’t have done himself, just that it had all happened in such a haze that it would take Alec some time to wrap his head around the fact that it had happened at all.

In that moment, he certainly had not given even a single thought to what would happen after the wedding.

They had, in a somewhat terse negotiation that Alec only now felt he fully understood, agreed that they would live in Magnus's townhouse. Alec had not given the move much thought, mostly because they both owned several properties and hopping between them to avoid awkward encounters was practically a hobby for most people of means, so he'd figured he'd tactfully only make himself so present in his new home as it seemed prudent to.

Now, though, a brand new world stretched before him where he would actually be welcome in Magnus's presence, and with it, a new-found focus on wondering what it would be like to properly live with Magnus.

Alec glanced at Magnus, serenely looking out the window of their carriage, and tried to imagine what he would be like at home. It felt bizarre to think of him in a morning robe or night clothes before he would change into his immaculate outfits, and trying to think of Magnus’s hair dripping with water during a bath was impossible because it would have required Alec being able to fathom the thought of Magnus’s naked form in a bathtub.

He’d probably get to see it in person, one day. That was enough to fry anyone’s brain.

“Do you bathe often?” he asked and immediately regretted it.

Magnus’s gaze flicked to Alec, and there was warmth in it that Alec clung to even as Magnus obviously suppressed laughter.

“Why, Alexander, are you dissatisfied with my grooming habits?”

“No!” The few seconds of silence that followed felt so awkward that Alec was forced to speak further. “You know you’re always the most stylish person in any room you step into.”

“I do,” Magnus said, “but that isn’t what I asked.”

Magnus’s obvious intent to persist with the subject arose Alec’s own competitiveness; he would rise to the challenge. Alec couldn’t even despair at the whole thing being his own doing; he’d been the one to tell Magnus that it was this very thing that had made him wish a happy marriage for them.

“I was imagining you in a bathtub,” he said, his cheeks aflame but refusing to look away from Magnus. “I don’t know why I asked that.”

Magnus’s mouth opened slightly; Alec had clearly caught him off-guard with a direct answer. He recovered quickly, though, assuming a look that matched Alec’s words. It seemed like a mask to Alec, but not in a completely unpleasant way. He’d always admired Magnus’s grasp on the nuances of self-presentation, and it wasn’t surprising that it had risen from Magnus’s personal habits rather than being solely restricted to his professional and political activities.

“Your boldness will serve you well in life, Alexander.”

Alec shrugged. “You make me feel brave.”

Magnus swallowed and mustered a brazen smile, but the cockiness in it didn’t reach his eyes and he dropped it in mere seconds to look away as if he was feeling almost embarrassed of his own feelings.

The reaction puzzled Alec. It was widely known that Magnus Bane had not been shy to sample the pleasures of every century of his life. Having someone think of him naked could hardly be a new experience.

Maybe it was different when you were married. As far as Alec knew, that was a first to both of them.

He almost wanted to reach out and take Magnus’s hand, but that seemed presumptuous.

Magnus shook himself out of whatever moment of vulnerability he’d undergone very soon, and spend the rest of the carriage ride telling increasingly outrageous stories about his friends that Alec had met. The outrageous parts tended to be done by Magnus himself, but that didn’t make the stories any less entertaining.

Alec had been introduced to Magnus’s staff earlier, when they’d decided on living arrangements, and he was moderately well acquainted with the house from the tour he’d got then. He’d got the impression that despite their unwavering politeness, Magnus’s staff didn’t much care for him, but whether it was personal or whether they simply did not care for anyone or had decided long ago that it wasn’t worth getting attached to anyone Magnus brought home was unclear. It didn’t much matter; Alec was well used to having to prove himself. He wouldn’t have known what to do with respect he hadn’t earnt yet.

Alec was an early riser by habit if not by preference, which made his evenings rather short in return. The wedding breakfast had been long, and by the time they got to their new home, it was nearly the time Alec usually withdrew into his rooms to start getting settled for bed.

However, this night would hardly follow his customary routine, and he didn’t know Magnus well enough to trust that simply saying he was planning on going to his room would count as an invitation to his husband.

“So, um, when do you usually go to bed?”

Magnus nearly jumped, and Alec immediately regretted the blunt question. It was for the best he’d never tried to invite a man into his bed before; he was clearly terrible at it.

“I’m flexible,” Magnus said, even though the tone was not his usual sure one. “Would you prefer-?”

I’d prefer anything that got us closer, Alec thought but mercifully didn’t blurt out by accident.

“If it wouldn’t be inconvenient to you,” he said instead, “we could withdraw very soon.”

Magnus gave him another hesitant look. “It would not. Be inconvenient to me. I merely need to have a word with the cook. Do you have any specific wishes for breakfast?”

Alec shook his head, and Magnus slipped away, leaving Alec feeling rather out of place alone in the entrance hall. Luckily, he only had to wait for a few moments before Magnus got back and herded him up the stairs.

“I did not have the chance to show you the redecoration I took the liberty to arrange,” Magnus said as he indicated Alec’s bedroom door with a flourish, “but I trust a councilman should know his way around a simple room.”

By all indications, Magnus had regained his usual confidence and grand manners, but Alec thought he knew a performance when he saw one. The same mask he’d observed earlier.

“If you oversaw the redecorations personally, I highly doubt the result was anything like a simple room,” he said, hoping to lighten the mood. “There are many words to compliment your taste, but simple is hardly one of them.”

Magnus smiled, but it felt very much like an act of showmanship. “That is my cue to make a dramatic exit to leave you inspect that for yourself.”

He bid Alec goodbye and indeed started down the hall, presumably towards his own bedroom. Alec watched him go until he turned a corner, and then there was nothing to do but to follow Magnus’s instructions and see his room for himself.

It was not simple, as Alec had predicted, but it had clearly not been furnished in the way that Alec had taken to be Magnus’s own preferred style. In fact, standing in the middle of the room and letting his eye wander from the large but simply carved bed to the chest of drawers with minimal engraving but a few figurines on top to the plush dark red curtains that were hanging straight, Alec couldn’t help the feeling that Magnus had plucked Alec’s own preferences straight out of his mind, carefully dusted them and ever so slightly adjusted them to look stylish and matching next to his own, and then furnished the room according to that update.

And he’d done it all for a man whom he’d assumed would be relieved to leave him mere minutes before the wedding ceremony.

Alec didn’t understand his newly wed husband in the slightest, but he suddenly wanted to kiss him silly and give him the world’s longest hug.

That should probably wait until he’d changed into something a little more bedroom appropriate than his wedding finest. A nightshirt was clearly out of the question, though; Alec might not be an experienced seducer, but even he could tell there was nothing fetching about the garment. One might say there was nothing fetching about the entirety of Alec’s wardrobe either, but nevertheless he felt more confident slipping into a relaxed pair of trousers and a dressing gown.

Once he was dressed and had folded his wedding clothes away, Alec milled around the room for some time. His things had been brought here during the day and arranged by servants, but it wasn’t a desire to acquaint himself with their order that kept Alec inspecting his cravats and suspenders. Nor was he feeling anxious; what was to happen was what duty dictated would happen, and Alec had never enjoyed the anticipation of future duty quite so much. Rather, he was certain that Magnus’s carefully crafted appearances required time to put together, and so logically also time to unravel, and he doubted he had the privilege to see Magnus mid-dress yet.

After some time had passed, though, Alec figured that was hopefully enough and moved to the door in the room he knew from his tour some time ago to lead to Magnus’s bedroom, landing three muted but clear knocks on it.

Something crashed to the floor behind the door.

Alec’s instinct kicked in, and he was through the door without waiting for any other invitation.

Magnus was standing in the corner of the room next to what was likely a drink cart. Alec’s arrival seemed to startle him out of shock, and the glass was back in his hand in a flash, unbroken but empty. The shards and the spilt liquid were gone from the carpet, too.

“You okay?” Alec asked, concern overriding his fascination with the casual use of magic.

Magnus blinked and with great effort gave Alec a careless smile. “I should ask you, you’re the one who knocked.”

Alec crossed the floor to his husband. Up close, he could see that Magnus had removed his jacket and cravat, and in other circumstances, that state of undress and the glimpse of Magnus’s throat it afforded Alec would have been enough to short-circuit his brain.

He put his hand on Magnus’s arm, as if feeling his warmth under the fabric would help him determine what had caused the sudden reaction.

“You’re the one who dropped a glass,” he said.

Magnus looked at his glass like he wished it weren’t so empty. “You surprised me.”

He didn’t pull away from Alec’s touch, though.

Alec’s eyes drifted to Magnus’s exposed throat again and when he startled out of his thoughts by Magnus saying his name like it was a question, it didn’t sound like the first time Magnus had said it.

“May I kiss you?” Alec asked.

Magnus blinked and didn’t say anything, but the small step he took closer to Alec and the way he angled his head were answer enough.

It was the first kiss that both of them saw coming, and despite the expectation of where it would lead to, it felt the sweetest of them. Alec’s hand fell from Magnus’s arm to the crook of his elbow and he couldn’t help raising his other hand to cup the side of Magnus’s face. Magnus’s arms circled around his waist, encouraging Alec to just fall into Magnus’s embrace.

He did, almost hoping he’d never have to leave. Even when their lips eventually separated, Alec couldn’t bring himself to take a step back, instead preferring to bury his head against the side of Magnus’s neck.

Alec knew, and was looking forward to, what the night would bring, but if the prize for a leisurely pace was this, he was in no hurry to get there.

“Are you looking to start a tradition of goodnight kisses?” Magnus asked, his breath ghosting against Alec’s ear in a way that should not have been that stimulating.

“We can do that, too.” Alec shifted on his feet, putting a little distance between them, suddenly aware how obvious he was if Magnus so much as glanced down or moved towards Alec. “Although I, um, didn’t come here for that.”

Magnus blinked and lowered his gaze before looking up like the downwards movement was painful. His arms fell limp to his sides, and Alec regretted everything about the preceding seconds.

“You thought we would,” something hard flashed in Magnus’s eyes, “follow the proper wedding etiquette.”

Personally, Alec wouldn’t have phrased his desires quite like that, but he had clearly made a misstep and hastened to grasp at correctives. Except that his mouth betrayed him and instead of any polite apologies for presumption or whatever appropriate reply he could have concocted, he blurted out, “Do you not want to?”

Magnus opened his mouth to say something before Alec had even had the chance to finish his ill-chosen question and then shut it as Alec’s words seemed to register in his brain.

“I- Of cou- Why,” he grasped for sentences before one stuck, “does that pain you so? From your expression, one would think I just grievously hurt your beloved pet.”

“I don’t have a pet,” Alec said, because his mouth was still not listening to his brain.

Magnus looked at him, and Alec couldn’t read his expression. They were standing close to each other, but they weren’t touching anywhere, and Alec wasn’t enough of a risk taker to take Magnus’s hand, not now.

“I do,” he said into the widening silence. “Want to. Or did, I guess, before it became obvious that you don’t.”

He was not going to think more about that now; first he’d save what he could of his relationship with Magnus, and only after that would he worry about his personal devastation.

Magnus’s eyelids fell down slowly and when he opened his eyes again, he looked more vulnerable than Alec had thought he was capable of.

“Let’s talk,” he said, “please.”

Alec nodded even though he didn’t have the faintest clue what Magnus thought they’d been doing up to that point.

Magnus sat down on the fine sofa near the fireplace and once he’d patted the seat next to himself, Alec followed him there.

“So,” he said, trying not to fiddle with his sleeves, “talking.”

For the tensest moment in Alec’s life, Magnus was quiet.

“I do,” he finally said, “want to.”

Alec had had years to master a carefully blank, expectant face, but he couldn’t help his eyebrows shooting up. Maybe it was because he didn’t want to hide from Magnus, couldn’t really imagine it now that he was so close to the sort of marriage he’d hardly dared to dream about.

“And Izzy tells me I give off mixed signals.”

Magnus looked at him, and maybe it was his recent admission or maybe it was the hint of tender vulnerability in his eyes that gave Alec courage, but he reached out to take Magnus’s hand. To his surprise, Magnus squeezed his hand right back and the tension between them seemed to decrease. Maybe Alec should have done that earlier.

“Alexander, I,” Magnus said, his gaze hesitant when it met Alec’s, “have been alive for a long time, but it’s... rare, for me to feel like this about someone so soon, and the official bond we’ve created today certainly doesn’t clarify the emotional side of it. I fear that if we rush into this, we may damage those emotional connections we’ve merely begun to form and ultimately, that I may lose you.”

Alec wanted to look away and think, but in the moment, it felt imperative that he not break eye contact with Magnus, not when Magnus was looking at him with such open eyes, beseeching him to understand.

“You’ve nothing to worry about in regards to my emotions,” he said, sure that anything he’d say would surely be inadequate but determined to say _something_. “I can’t say I agree with your conclusions, but... You, you’re so worth waiting for, it feels like a privilege to be even allowed to wait.”

Magnus dropped his gaze to their joined hands, and if it hadn’t felt preposterous to even think it, Alec would have thought he seemed embarrassed at Alec’s words.

“If you still wanted,” he said, mostly to fill the silence, “we could see again about that goodnight kiss tradition. It sounded lovely.”

Magnus kissed him then, as if some string that had been holding him back had snapped, unrestrained and soft at the same time. Alec’s lips were moving before he even registered it, his hands holding on to Magnus’s shoulders on instinct, the muscles of Magnus’s arms feeling clearly under Alec’s palms. If Magnus was intending this to be a goodnight kiss, Alec would surely lay awake half the night trying to calm his excited body down.

“I do still want,” Magnus said, voice low and eyes golden, once he finally pulled away.

It was clear he was not thinking about sweet parting traditions.

 _Yes_ , screamed every ounce of Alec’s being except for the one that spoke the words, that still remembered Magnus’s clearly stated reservations from just moments ago.

“Are you sure?” he asked even as his hand slipped down Magnus’s toned chest to his waist, ready to pull his shirt out of his trousers.

“As long as you are,” Magnus said, and that settled it.

Alec was, in general, not sure about many things about himself besides his inability to quit, his determination to keep trying even when everything seemed to crumble to ruins around him. But about Magnus, he was sure. He had been sure from the moment they’d negotiated their contract, he was sure right in that moment, and he knew he would be sure the following morning, and every morning, day and evening thereafter.

He had no words to tell Magnus all that, let alone make him believe it, but he put all of it into the kiss he responded with, and could only hope that Magnus got the message.


End file.
